To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:
    A time to be born,
        And a time to die;
    A time to plant,
        And a time to pluck what is planted;
    A time to kill,
         And a time to heal;
    A time to break down,
         And a time to build up;
    A time to weep,
         And a time to laugh;
    A time to mourn,
         And a time to dance;
    A time to cast away stones,
         And a time to gather stones;
    A time to embrace,
         And a time to refrain from embracing;
    A time to gain,
         And a time to lose;
    A time to keep,
         And a time to throw away;
    A time to tear,
         And a time to sew;
    A time to keep silence,
         And a time to speak;
    A time to love,
         And a time to hate;
    A time of war,
         And a time of peace.

Where we live, in the mountains of North Carolina, the change of the season from summer to fall is a very beautiful experience. It is so breathtaking when the mountainside turns into a mirage of orange and yellow and the leaves begin to fall. The temperatures are perfect during the day where you are never too hot or too cold and the nighttimes are just right for a warm fire around which to cozy-up and read a good book to the family. My husband has been reading to us "The Swiss Family Robinson" as we enjoy the cool evenings around the fire. Fall is my favorite season; it is the time where you get to enjoy the work of your summer labors. To every season there is a time to sow and a time to reap; fall is a time of reaping. During the summer you are busy collecting fire wood, gardening, filling your shelves full of canned fruits and vegetables; you are busy manicuring your yard and doing fix-ups around the house and such. But, when fall arrives, you begin to slow down a little from the hard work and play of summer. Then winter soon comes upon you and you begin to evaluate the year and prepare your plans for the coming year. You begin to evaluate what works the best for the success of your family and what needs to be discarded because it only stole your time and the peace of your family.

As I began thinking about this in correlation with our children, I thought about the changes they also go through and the varied seasons of change in their precious lives. It is so vital to be aware of those seasons in their lives and flow with them accordingly. If we were to begin our garden in the middle of fall, we would obviously not get a crop of yummy vegetables in the spring because we would be doing things out of season. So I believe it is with our children. There are different seasons of change in their lives also and the more we can understand them as  parents, I believe the less anxiety we will feel about some of their character traits during the unpredictable times.

Recently, a neighbor was visiting with her twenty month-old boy. As the boy began to venture through my house, checking out the surroundings, the mother began to apologize and explain how bad he was. I quickly told her that he was not bad, that he was acting like a twenty month-old would act. When a child is twenty months-old, he is in one of his greatest seasons of training, so everything may seem out of order. This is normal and our only job is to plant good character traits and manners into them through repetition. Children do not come out of the womb having manners and understanding their boundaries; this must be taught. To expect them to have it all in order is crazy.

I have also found that children of all ages have different seasons to their understanding of various things. My older children go through times of wrestling and evaluating just like we do as adults. In Ephesians 6:12 it says:

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age."

Where it talks about principalities, one of the definitions in Strong’s Concordance is, principle or rule. There are principles of life through which children will begin to wrestle with themselves and will sometimes seem ‘disobedient’ or ‘distant’ in some area of their lives. For example, an older child who is learning to trust their parent’s decisions, even when they may not understand all the reasons why, will sometimes seem as though they are questioning your authority. Just because a child is questioning your decisions does not necessarily mean they are going against your authority; they may be simply trying to understand how to make decisions themselves. (We must always confront a rebellious heart and try to find a resolution; this is not what I am talking about here.) I am talking about a submissive heart that is wrestling with a life issue––a principle of life that they do not quite understand how to handle.

There will, of course, be times of victory and times of defeat in your parenting, but the most important issue is to understand that seasons change and you will reap in due season the hard work of your labors if you do not grow weary in doing good. Do not let defeat get a foothold so that you give up, but hold on steadfastly in your faith to what you know is right. We live in a world that is continually coming against the beliefs that we hold as a family; we must overcome evil with good.

As we try to understand our children––their hearts’ motives––more and more each day, we will become aware of what they are going through and be a great help in discipling them towards the cross. Every child must come to the knowledge of the Savior and their own shortcomings; this is a difficult and trying realization. We as parents can be their greatest comfort if we pay attention to what season they are in and what is going on in their spirits.

Tracey Selby Biography